Yup... this IS your grandpa's airline - Photo: David Parker Brown

Yup… this IS your grandpa’s airline – Photo: David Parker Brown | AirlineReporter

From time-to-time, my mom will forward me airline stories; it is kind of nice. Recently, she pointed out a new airline named Joon, which is being marketed to millennials. See, she likes to poke fun since I am right on the cusp of being a millennial. Some say that being born in 1980 makes you one, while others debate the exact year. I say that I am NOT a millennial and get insulted being called one. I am a unique indivdual and cannot be easily placed into just one convenient definition. Wait. Damn it.

Quickly reading over Joon’s press release, it seemed to use lots of fancy words, but didn’t provide much actual substance or new ideas. It did, however, make me roll my eyes… hard. Just a taste of the press release:

“Joon is aimed at a young working clientele, the millennials (18 to 35-year-olds), whose lifestyles revolve around digital technology. This new brand has been entirely designed to meet their requirements and aspirations, with an authentic and connected offering that stands out in the world of air transport.”

“Joon will not be a low-cost airline as it will offer original products and services that reflect those of Air France. Joon is a lifestyle brand and a state of mind. Short, punchy and international, the name Joon is designed to address a worldwide audience.”

My head hurts. And that livery. And it is not even a low-cost airline. I just need to breathe… I don’t want to get carried away here complaining about this concept — not what this story is for. (Read a bit more about Joon, on Ben Schlappig’s OneMileataTime).

Anyhow, my mom and I got to thinking. If we are seeing more airlines marketed towards the younger folks, why doesn’t an airline market to her generation: the Baby Boomers? The conversation got fun and I think we came up with some pretty good ideas on what some Baby Boomers might want from an airline. I decided (with her permission) to share. Here is our airline…

The restrooms are top-notch on Baby Boomer Airlines

The Pitch: BABY BOOMER AIRLINES

We are proud to announce our new airline that caters to those who have experienced the “golden age” of airlines, but are now looking for amenities for their own “silver age.” Today, airlines are catering more and more to the younger generation, but who raised those kids? Who gave them the spirit of travel? Who changed their diapers? That’s you! And you need to be a pampered, and respected, Baby Boomer. Now you can, on Baby Boomer Airlines. Pending FAA approval (haha, no way we are getting that), we will be offering a number of amenities just for those passengers who are verified Baby Boomers, including:

  • Head-of-the-line privileges: You have been waiting in line for 50 years or more, so you deserve the respect of not having to waste your precious, limited time in line. You get to be up front, and take all the time you need getting there; others can wait.
  • No TSA Screening: No more security screenings for you. I mean, what were they thinking? We know you want to keep your energy and frustration for better things!
  • Complaining Section: We know how much there is to complain about (pains, costs, things not being like they used to), but not everyone wants to (or can) hear it. Choose our ComplainCabin™, and you can complain all flight long. However, we can’t guarantee anyone will care.
  • Senior Discounts:  We offer many different coupon options, and of course everyone will get a senior discount. No need to ask your neighbors how much they paid, we promise you got the best deal on the plane!
  • Nap Time: Every flight, no matter how short, is a napping flight. Pillows and blankets will be provided. Lights off, shades down. Snore on! You won’t miss the meal though. We will be serving dinner right after you board (however, meal service ends at 4:30pm).
  • Gate-Baggage Claim Transfer: All Baby Boomers will get a cart ride at the airport (fancy wheelchair too, if needed). The driver will drive not too fast, not too slow, and no tipping needed! Leave the walking for the mall.
  • No Kids: We know you love visiting the grandkids (and maybe that is where you are heading), but you won’t have to be bothered on our flight. All kids will be in the back of the plane, and behind a sound-proof wall.
  • Easy Entertainment: You can watch non-stop replays of the shows (and sporting games) from decades ago — all by using only one button. That’s right. No confusing remote. No touch screen controls. All you have to do is hit the “Channel Up” button to browse our 13 VHF options.
  • Reservations: Websites are confusing, right? We hear you. All our reservations are done over the phone or in person at our reservation offices. Even better, we will mail you an actual paper ticket, with large print writing! Mobile boarding passes are for the birds. Of course we accept cash and check as payment.
  • Less Confusing Stops: On a plane, off a plane. Confusing airports. Where do you go now? People moving too quickly! Was that Elvis? Making extra stops adds confusion to the travel process. Not with us. All of our flights go directly to your destination.
  • Restrooms: There will be at least one lavatory for every five rows. Plus more than enough toilet paper. If you are a Baby Boomer, you know why.
  • Volume control: “What did they say?!” You won’t have to ask that with us. We will enunciate clearly, with the volume turned all the way up to 11!

Flying high above your problems on Baby Boomer Airlines

BOOMERS AWAY!

Honestly, after writing this all up, I think I would rather fly on Baby Boomer Airlines more than most others airlines. Not sure what that means. Could be I am an old soul, or that selling just to the young people is kind of silly. Either way, I sort of hope this idea gets off the ground.

What did we miss? Did we cross the line? What other amenities do you think Baby Boomer Airlines should offer passengers? Do you think airlines like Joon are a good idea?

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EDITOR-IN-CHIEF & FOUNDER - SEATTLE, WA. David has written, consulted, and presented on multiple topics relating to airlines and travel since 2008. He has been quoted and written for a number of news organizations, including BBC, CNN, NBC News, Bloomberg, and others. He is passionate about sharing the complexities, the benefits, and the fun stuff of the airline business. Email me: david@airlinereporter.com

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A Very Hello Kitty Adventure (Continued) — The Second Half of Our EVA Air 777 Flight
20 Comments

We had one, once – Pan Am.
The bean counters killed it in 1992.

But were the Pan Ams of the day marketing to the younger professionals? “No more wicker seats, get to Chicago in just two stops, not 29…”

David

Dan Goldzband

Bean counters didn’t kill Pan Am. They are no more responsible for its demise than the team statistician is for the Padres’ ill fortunes. Company was run badly. Accountants merely tell the story, just like the guy calling the play-by-play.

Jonathan in France

Sign me up! Will you validate my BOAC junior jet club logbook (issued 1959, Bristol Brittania, Chicago->London)? Can I visit the cockpit in flight? Make my drink a Tab.

Oh man! I already regret not talking about what the fleet should look like 🙂

David

Jonathan

Well, I insist on Vickers Viscounts for short segments Bags wheels must absokbe banned.

Follow me on Twitter @lefoudubaron

Viscount you say? I am guessing your live in Europe? 🙂

David

727s, to be boarded via the rear stairs.

Allen C.

How about a Lockheed L-1011? I’m sure I’ve still got that funky green with with striped and red logo’d Cathay Pacific carry-on bag somewhere…

Oh you need to track that down!

David

massaging Lazy-Boy recliners, flight attendants armed with your medication schedule and flip phone charging stations

The routing of all transcontinental flights would include no fewer than 4 stops on a DC-10…something like: JFK-BUF-IND-ABQ-TUC-LAX…or whatever airport codes fall out of a Scrabble game

Malcolm Cumming

13 VHF options, a comfortable seat with elbow and leg room, tasty food and a few roomy lavatories – sounds good to me.

jennifer brown

Thanks for this article! I am eagerly awaiting word from airlines who want to make Baby Boomers Airlines a reality!

Dan Goldzband

Now we all know the ultimate baby-boomer airline was PSA…

As a kid, I just loved flying them for the big smile and fun colors :)!

David

Dan Goldzband

Yes, a well-run airline but a very badly run company:

Stewardesses forced to quit if they married—destroys return on training investment Lousy corporate governance: J Floyd Andews ran it like a pfeifdom, and last president sold off aircraft without Board’s approval.

But we all miss them. The name lives on—US Air needed to form a regional wholesale carrier, and used the name “PSA Airlines” to protect the trademark. Not the same corp as original PSA, but the smile is in the logo. I was thrilled to fly it last year between Charlotte and IAD. Had a pic taken with the plane. My wife said “big smile on you—no smile on plane.”

Enjoy dorkfest. I won’t be there, so have a double-double animal style for me.

To complete the nostalgic effect, passengers should carry suitcases. Roller bags are for crew only.

Baby Boomer Airline is awesome, Interested in Spirituality? You should visit this URl: (www.lilith888.x10.mx) l used it and it is perfect.

It’s a Testimony..

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