From time-to-time, my mom will forward me airline stories; it is kind of nice. Recently, she pointed out a new airline named Joon, which is being marketed to millennials.Â See, she likes to poke fun since I am right on the cusp of being a millennial. Some say that being born in 1980 makes you one, while others debate the exact year. I say that I am NOT a millennial and get insulted being called one. I am a unique indivdual and cannot be easily placed into just one convenient definition. Wait. Damn it.
Quickly reading over Joon’s press release, it seemed to use lots of fancy words, but didn’t provide much actual substance or new ideas. It did, however, make me roll my eyes… hard. Just a taste of the press release:
“JoonÂ is aimed at a young working clientele, the millennials (18 to 35-year-olds), whose lifestyles revolve around digital technology. This new brand has been entirely designed to meet their requirements and aspirations, with an authentic and connected offering that stands out in the world of air transport.”
“JoonÂ will not be a low-cost airline as it will offer original products and services that reflect those of Air France.Â JoonÂ is a lifestyle brand and a state of mind. Short, punchy and international, the nameÂ JoonÂ is designed to address a worldwide audience.”
My head hurts. And that livery. And it is not even a low-cost airline. I just need to breathe… I don’t want to get carried away here complaining about this concept — not what this story is for. (Read a bit more about Joon, on Ben Schlappig’sÂ OneMileataTime).
Anyhow, my mom and I got to thinking. If we are seeing more airlines marketed towards the younger folks, why doesn’t an airline market to her generation: the Baby Boomers? The conversation got fun and I think we came up with some pretty good ideas on what some Baby Boomers might want from an airline. I decided (with her permission) to share. Here is our airline…
The Pitch: BABY BOOMER AIRLINES
We are proud to announce our new airline that caters to those who have experienced the “golden age” of airlines, but are now looking for amenities for their own “silver age.” Today, airlines are catering more and more to the younger generation, but who raised those kids? Who gave them the spirit of travel? Who changed their diapers? That’s you! And you need to be a pampered, and respected, Baby Boomer. Now you can, on Baby Boomer Airlines. Pending FAA approval (haha, no way we are getting that), we will be offering a number of amenities just for those passengers who are verified Baby Boomers, including:
- Head-of-the-line privileges: You have been waiting in line for 50 years or more, so you deserve the respect of not having to waste your precious, limited time in line. You get to be up front, and take all the time you need getting there; others can wait.
- No TSA Screening: No more security screenings for you. I mean, what were they thinking? We know you want to keep your energy and frustration for better things!
- Complaining Section: We know how much there is to complain about (pains, costs, things not being like they used to), but not everyone wants to (or can) hear it. Choose our ComplainCabinâ„¢, and you can complain all flight long. However, we can’t guarantee anyone will care.
- Senior Discounts:Â We offer many different coupon options, and of course everyone will get a senior discount. No need to ask your neighbors how much they paid, we promise you got the best deal on the plane!
- Nap Time: Every flight, no matter how short, is a napping flight. Pillows and blankets will be provided. Lights off, shades down. Snore on! You won’t miss the meal though. We will be serving dinner right after you board (however, meal service ends at 4:30pm).
- Gate-Baggage Claim Transfer: All Baby Boomers will get a cart ride at the airport (fancy wheelchair too, if needed). The driver will drive not too fast, not too slow, and no tipping needed! Leave the walking for the mall.
- No Kids: We know you love visiting the grandkids (and maybe that is where you are heading), but you won’t have to be bothered on our flight. All kids will be in the back of the plane, and behind a sound-proof wall.
- Easy Entertainment: You can watch non-stop replays of the shows (and sporting games) from decades ago — all by using only one button. That’s right. No confusing remote. No touch screen controls. All you have to do is hit the “Channel Up” button to browse our 13 VHF options.
- Reservations: Websites are confusing, right? We hear you. All our reservations are done over the phone or in person at our reservation offices. Even better, we will mail you an actual paper ticket, with large print writing! Mobile boarding passes are for the birds. Of course we accept cash and check as payment.
- Less Confusing Stops: On a plane, off a plane. Confusing airports. Where do you go now? People moving too quickly! Was that Elvis? Making extra stops adds confusion to the travel process. Not with us. All of our flights go directly to your destination.
- Restrooms: There will be at least one lavatory for every five rows. Plus more than enough toilet paper. If you are a Baby Boomer, you know why.
- Volume control: “What did they say?!” You won’t have to ask that with us. We will enunciate clearly, with the volume turned all the way up to 11!
Honestly, after writing this all up, I think I would rather fly on Baby Boomer Airlines more than most others airlines. Not sure what that means. Could be I am an old soul, or that selling just to the young people is kind of silly. Either way, I sort of hope this idea gets off the ground.
What did we miss? Did we cross the line? What other amenities do you think Baby Boomer Airlines should offer passengers? Do you think airlines like Joon are a good idea?
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